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I have a secret. I've always been very protective of it. Up until now I've only ever shared it with a small, trusted few, because I think it makes me sound so weird.
However, while meditating on my solar plexus chakra over the last month, I realized I needed to embrace all of my Self, so I made myself a promise. This was the year that I would get into the best shape of my life.
To do that, I had to acknowledge this secret directly, and release its hold on me. Truthfully, the feelings attached to it have always stood in my way of achieving my full potential physically. So what if revealing it makes me sound weird? I'm a witch. I'm entitled (even expected) to be "wyrd." Right?!
It's time to embrace my wyrdness and to recognize it as part of what makes me uniquely qualified to fulfill my own dharma.
I think bodies are weird.
That's worth repeating: I think bodies are weird. I really don't like them–not mine, not yours, none of them. Even the most "beautiful" bodies (whatever that means) are still tiresome. I see them as little more than fleshy prisons that handicap our immortal souls. I know I can't be alone in this. Otherwise, I wouldn't have found so many versions of this perspective represented in pop culture. To prevent you from thinking I'm too weird and ruining any credibility I might have built up with you already, let's look at a few of those examples.
For Spite
I first found emotional support for this perspective through a meme that was posted in my coven's private Facebook group. After revealing my secret to my coven, one of our sassier witches found this meme and posted it, saying: "I bet this is how Casey feels every day."
100%! That's exactly how I feel. In fact, this meme might as well be holy writ as far as I'm concerned.
Well … after being emboldened by this cyber commiseration, I went in search of more empathy to fuel the fires of my righteous indignation. To my genuine surprise, I found a plethora of resources throughout pop culture. I'll highlight just a couple more in this post to show you what I mean. There are certainly plenty more examples out there for those of you who are interested enough to do the research, but, for now, three examples should suffice to prove the point.
Not for all the Little Cakes or Bacon in the World!
Have you ever watched the TV show, The Magicians? If not, it's worth watching. While I took issue with some of the license the show took in depicting magic, Alice ascending to Niffin-fame was pure gold for me. According to The Magicians Wiki, Niffins are described as "powerful beings made of pure magical energy, created when magicians fail to maintain a clear mind while controlling a spell and becomes consumed by it." If only life really did imitate art!
In Season 2, Episode 3, Alice "Niffins-out" when fighting during the duel at the Wellspring. While fighting the episode's antagonist, "Alice drops the circular thing she's been carrying on her wrist (suggesting her god-power is about gone), and starts raising power for more magic. Quentin, Eliot and Margo all tell her to stop, she'll 'Niffin-out,' but she gets so caught up she turns into a screaming ball of blue flame and is gone." Throughout the Season, Quentin (the main character) is driven (quite selfishly, IMHO) to bring Alice back, and (unfortunately) he eventually succeeds. In the Episode titled "We Have Brought You Little Cakes," Quentin tries to console Alice after putting her back in her body, and it is here that I felt seen for the second time in my life:
Every little bit of this scene proves the point masterfully. Alice's struggle with the bacon grease, her issues surrounding the pleasures of sex, even her annoyance at Quentin's joke spoke to me.
3 Wishes to Release
Finally, I would like to highlight The Witcher. In the game, Yennefer goes on a quest to find a djinn who can cancel Geralt's wish that connects them. She turns herself into its vessel, trapping it in order to find out if her feelings for Geralt are genuine or magically-induced. In the TV series, Yennefer seeks to become the Djinn's vessel to cure her own infertility.
Whether bottle, lamp, or flesh––the djinn do not appreciate being forced to be physical. While they will begrudgingly grant wishes to get release from their prisons, it isn't the glamorous deal we've all been led to believe. According to the mythology of the series, there is a terrible price to be paid by a djinn's former master once it gets free. Here is the scene from the TV show:
Within the fan base, there is a huge amount of discussion on what Geralt's wish was and whether or not his wish saves Yennefer from the impending fate of her own hubris, but that's not what holds my attention personally. For me, the most thrilling aspect of this plot line was the realization that leaving the body behind could be so freeing. That moment when the djinn was released after Geralt made his last wish was more magical for me than any speculation on what the contents of his wish might actually have been.
Rethinking the Prison
The point for me is this: this trope's prevalence in media necessarily means that I'm not alone. There are more people out there who see the body in the same light that I do. In addition to achieving my personal goal, I have decided to be forthcoming with this admittedly ridiculous secret for another reason.
Too many people feel trapped in their bodies in another very real way. They look in the mirror and hate their bodies. Maybe they're struggling with their weight. Having worked as a personal trainer for most of my adult life, I have supported just as many people who were upset about being "too thin" as I have helped people who were unhappy with being "too heavy." As a certified consulting hypnotist, I specialized in weight management, and I saw those same struggles with my clients in the practice. As a Gay witch who uses Witchcraft to empower other Gay men, I have seen them grapple with other physical struggles as well. They don't fit the model type or whatever other "type" the men they desire want. They feel too short or too tall. They are too old. They're not old enough, and don't like other guys their own age. In truth, we all struggle with our bodies eventually.
These struggles may not be as esoteric or as dramatic as a Niffin or djinn trapped in a disgruntled witch, but the real life battles with this issue are just as traumatic, and are worthy of magical attention in order to heal. That's why I've decided to document my own journey with embracing and loving my body.
Resenting the body (for whatever reason) isn't doing any of us any favors––me included. If we can't learn to love our bodies, then they truly are prisons. That's unfortunate, because, in all seriousness, they are meant to be gifts or tools that help us learn our lessons and find our way back to bliss.
As part of this journey to get into the best shape of my life, I have set a goal for myself. I want to enter a bodybuilding competition. Follow along as I blog about my journey.